Sunday, July 24, 2011
victoria secret models
I appreciate your question. Having been close friends with Christian since 2005 and Nick since 2008, I’ve had to deal with this exact issue! But this of course doesn’t only come up when I’m with them. It comes up whenever I’m with anyone who is attractive or successful. But it’s actually not a problem; it’s a blessing.
People associate you with what surrounds you.
I like having good-looking guys around me in my group or team (I say this from a completely hetero standpoint, ha). And the smartest girls know that they look even better when they are surrounded by women just as or more beautiful as them.
If your social value when you’re by yourself is a 9/10, and you’re hanging out with three of your computer geek friends who when by themselves would be a 3/10, then your nerd companions will bring your subjective social value down to a 4.5! Girls will write you off as just the best looking out of the computer nerds. Not so good.
The only time guys individually worse than you can make you look good is in successive comparisons (such as in a runway show where the models come down the runway one at a time). So if the girl keeps seeing loser guys in succession and then all of a sudden sees you, then you fare better by the comparison.
But if she sees you and the nerds at approximately the same time, maybe because you and your friends are all hanging at the same table, then she’ll unconsciously conclude that you’re a loser, too. Those guys will bring down your individual social value.
That’s one reason I try to surround myself with the most successful people I can (besides the fact that they also help me become more positive and successful, and that I just enjoy being around such people). I also like to have around me big, muscular guys (sometimes they look like my bodyguards, ha), hip fashion people, good looking people, and most of all, FUN people!
I discovered this for myself when I started teaching in universities, and I noticed that when bad students sat surrounding a smart student during class, my unconscious mind just started to label that smart student as a bad student, too. And then, I’d have to consciously exert effort to remind myself that, “Hey, that’s the kid who got an A on the last test. Let’s hear him out.”
However, when all the smart students clumped together in the classroom, it was easy to associate that part of the room as where I could go when I wanted good answers to my questions. If a bad student sat in their midst, I’d unconsciously label him as one of the smart students, too.
You’ve probably noticed this in yourself. Think about a Victoria’s Secret model standing alone.
Then, think about that same model surrounded by five ugly looking girls.
Then, think about the effect you get when you have a row of six Victoria’s Secret models together. The result compounds and increases the individual value of each member of the group.
I remember reading psychology research along similar lines but can’t recall them off the top of my head.
ASSOCIATIVE VALUE, CONTRAST PRINCIPLE, and SOCIAL POWER
So, back to your situation. You’ve got some good-looking white dudes that you roll with. Great! First, you get the compounded value from them.
Plus, you get the CONTRAST PRINCIPLE as the one who stands out as different (because you’re Asian). We deal with the CONTRAST PRINCIPLE in the soon to be released Power of Being Asian program.
Now, you can stand out in a bad way and in a good way. This is also the risk of dressing outrageously to get attention (what some pick up artists call, “Peacocking”). It can work for you or against you. Just by being the only Asian guy, your very race peacocks you!
Now use it to your advantage by being the LEADER of the group of white guys. It can happen even more effectively because your race makes you stand out from them.
Don’t think so much about your height or looks. Guys fixate on looks because that’s how we’re built. But we know from evolutionary psychology that women care much less about a man’s looks than they do about his power (often conventionally measured by wealth and social status, but most often unconsciously measured by the way other people react and respond to you).
Girls are MUCH more attracted to power than to looks. Compared to height, looks, or race, power is a far more important generator of attraction in females.
Be the most socially powerful man in the group of good looking guys, and you’ll be that much more irresistible.